Am I the only one who has an almost unhealthy aversion to what is undoubtedly one of the digital era's biggest (if not the biggest) trends: selfies?
Over 257 million Instagram users would have me believe I am. That is about the number of results that come up if you search #selfie on the popular photo sharing social network - 257 978 548 to be exact - which is already about three million more than it was on Monday (#scary).
That, and the fact that smartphone manufacturers are starting to make purpose-made selfie cellphones. And people are buying them, maybe even based on that hook.
Just a week ago, HTC unveiled its latest flagship, the HTC One M9 - a quick dabble with which reveals the front-facing camera yields far better results than the back camera, which is supposed to be the star capturer.
Last year, Huawei's entire marketing campaign for its high-end Ascend P7 centred on its superior selfie-taking capability.
Alas, the selfie has become one of the most practised, posted, talked about - and even sung about - phenomena (and I don't mean that with any of the respect the word usually connotes) on the World Wide Web.
Don't get me wrong, I am as up for a bit of fun and shameless self-promotion as the next person, but the whole thing has started getting out of hand.
Apparently, the word selfie was first used by an intoxicated Aussie (no surprises there) in 2002, but it became increasingly acceptable over the following decade as the celebrities we entrust with our children's admiration gave it momentum.
Senseless snowball
And it was all good, harmless and mostly clean fun - to begin with. I even experimented in the new art myself, without feeling the shame I feel admitting it now. But soon the craze started spiralling out of control, with pointless duck portrait after pointless duck portrait being brazenly splashed all over social media platforms.
The motivation behind it? Who knows. I'd take a stab and say the desperate desire for validation. Whatever the reason, by the time selfie number 537 had replaced actual meaningful content on the platforms I use for information and decent entertainment, I'd had enough.
Adding insult to injury, Oxford Dictionaries went and encouraged the whole ludicrous movement by naming selfie word of the year in 2013. It is now defined - in black and white in a very reputable global manuscript - as "a photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or Web cam and uploaded to a social media Web site."
And as if that wasn't enough, the word has started breeding. Now, you get silly spin-offs like groufie (three or more people in a selfie), helfie (a selfie depicting how hellish the subject's life is), beardie (a clever derivative meaning a beard selfie) and even a derriere selfie - or belfie (yes, a photo of one's butt).
This past December holiday even saw the rise of a selfie accessory - a stick that allows users to take selfies without getting the usual arm shot, via Bluetooth. If I am not mistaken, there is a belfie version of the apparatus as well.
I don't know if my ardent disapproval of selfies stems from the fact that I don't understand them, cannot explain them, or am just plain sick and tired of looking at barefaced boasting. I do know there is no escaping it, beyond closing the window every time one - or a cluster - of the damn things pop up.
Selfie scourge
It's not just that they're annoying either. In fact, they can be downright dangerous - in more ways than one.
On one hand, depending on when and how you go about it - or rather when and where you feel it opportune to catch yourself on camera - a selfie could end in tragedy.
A week ago, Durban student Nicci Redelinghuys caused a national ruckus when she proudly demonstrated how not to pose for a selfie - hanging out the window of your car while driving on a highway. No harm came to her, unless you count viral castigation and her father banning her from using social media as harmful (many social media junkies would).
Apparently, the word selfie was first used by an intoxicated Aussie (no surprises there) in 2002.
Courtney Sanford wasn't as fortunate. The American national died in a head-on collision on a US highway last April, one minute after posting a selfie on Facebook of herself while driving. She was just 32.
On the other hand (and as if the previous examples were not hard enough to believe) selfies could actually become an all-consuming obsession, with consequences much like those associated with hard drugs.
About a year ago, a youngster called Daniel Bowman became so obsessed with taking selfies and with achieving the perfect digital self-portrait that he actually tried to kill himself when he couldn't get it right.
The 19-year-old apparently spent 10 hours a day snapping himself up to 200 times with his iPhone. He dropped out of school and remained completely house-bound for six months. He even lost about 13kg to make himself "look better" in selfies.
Another near-tragedy averted, Bowman eventually attempted suicide by chemical overdose, but failed.
But death, near death, mental illness aside, there is no quelling the digital era craze ? for as long as phone manufacturers, celebrities, social media platforms and advertising drives keep encouraging it, the selfie is here to stay. Much to the distaste of the 3 100 users who have shared #selfiehater posts on Instagram, I'm sure.
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