Claptrap cap regulations

At the risk of sounding clich'ed: In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

Telkom is in no danger of losing its dominant position in the market, simply because it`s surrounded by - what would be termed in politically-correct speak - differently-abled people.

Let`s be honest, at this point, it doesn`t seem like rival Neotel could organise its way out of a paper bag, much less launch any kind of meaningful assault on the local market. Telkom`s other friend, the Independent Communications Authority of SA (ICASA), definitely took the short bus to school.

This week, a disgruntled (as unbelievable as that may seem) ADSL customer took the fixed-line operator to task for being in breach of section 3.4 of the ADSL regulations, which stipulate "local bandwidth shall not be subject to a cap". Taking his case to the complaints and compliance committee, this unhappy camper claims this provision means his local bandwidth usage should not be counted towards his monthly Internet usage, and that his local Internet access would be free.

Free? This man has a sense of humour. "Free" is not a word that Telkom is particularly familiar with.

Be that as it may, Telkom retorted that ICASA failed to define what capping is, making the provision "ambiguous and unenforceable". In other words, the ADSL regulations would make pretty good toilet paper, and nothing else.

Sticking to the theme of disgruntled ADSL customers - I`m beginning to see a pattern here - ITWeb earlier this week reported that Telkom has had to defend itself against accusations of being an enabler of "digital apartheid".

This comes in the wake of Khayelitsha residents venting their rage at waiting for months for the operator to install an Internet line at a local library. Specifically, these residents accused Telkom of not giving previously-disadvantaged communities equal treatment.

I take strong exception to such blatantly false accusations. As most people know, Telkom is certainly not racist - it treats all people, regardless of race, colour or creed, equally badly.

As for ADSL issues, refer to the piece above. ADSL? What ADSL? Has ICASA actually defined ADSL...?

Ah, the soothing sound of pointless, hollow government bullshit - how I`ve missed you.

Martin Czernowalow, news editor, ITWeb

It`s been a while since one of our brilliant political figures entertained me by candidly speaking his or her mind, and I was beginning to kind of miss that. No worries though, public enterprises minister Alec Erwin saved me from the cold sweats of withdrawal.

Speaking at the October 2007 Imbizo, at Ugu District Municipality, smart Alec announced that ubiquitous, affordable broadband access should no longer be seen as the privilege of a few, but a basic right for all South Africans.

Ah, the soothing sound of pointless, hollow government bullshit - how I`ve missed you.

Delusional Alec went on about how Infraco is a strategic asset that will allow government to leverage communications infrastructure for economic growth. He also said something about rural areas needing to undergo intensive development measures in order for them to be able to access some or other technologies. Is anyone still listening to this crap?

Anyway, adorable Alec then mentioned that providing electricity to all households in SA, as well as schools and clinics, is a top priority.

Uh-huh. Right.

The National Intelligence Agency would neither confirm nor deny this week that it is investigating the e-mails that resulted in a province-wide tornado panic earlier this month.

Naturally they won`t say anything. These are the guys who wear dark sunglasses and suits and who drive around in black SUVs. They don`t really exist. I watch movies too, you know.

Anyway, the e-mail appeared to originate from Netcare. Some poor paramedic is in for a world of pain.

As such, Cabinet decided the National Disaster Management Centre would be asked to look at ways in which such situations could be managed in future. This would encompass ensuring clear communication guidelines and procedures are developed and communicated to the public.

But let`s face it, perhaps the whole thing wasn`t malicious. Maybe it was a case of wishful thinking - if there`s anyone out there who would want a natural disaster, it would be Netcare.