Eat my banking words

There is a gang of small gods who control my fortunes. They`re a lazy bunch, prone to distraction by other clients on their roll. However, I can guarantee their attention by complacently musing about how well things might be going in a certain area of my existence.

In much the same way as they punish utterances like "it doesn`t look like it`s going to rain", with bringing down a deluge, and blurting "things couldn`t possibly get any worse" with the almost certain falling of an anvil upon your mother`s prize Persian cat, these gods lie in wait for such pieces of foolishness to escape my lips.

The most recent disaster that I brought upon myself was one of banking nature. In this column, fairly recently, I commented that I have never been one of those people who complains about their bank. Absa has, up until very shortly after that comment, given me impeccable service. No longer.

On a recent visit to my nearest branch, it was noticed that I no longer earn what I did 10 years ago. They suggested to me that I upgrade to a gold credit card, which I duly did. That process was pain-free. However, getting my Internet banking linked to the new card proved something of a nightmare.

Since I have always accessed my Internet banking using my credit card number, I thought it would make sense to change that, since I now possessed a gold card with a different number. I was told that this wasn`t necessary, but thought I would change it anyway, to prevent confusion later on.

However, since credit card numbers change if a card is lost or stolen, I thought the best idea would be to use my savings account as my access account.

This process took about two weeks of five periodic visits to the bank to finally complete correctly.

There were minor hiccups at every step in the proceedings.

Georgina Guedes, Editor, ITWeb Brainstorm

There were minor hiccups at every step in the proceedings. But what was really frustrating was the fact that the people at the counter who make the necessary changes don`t have Internet access themselves, so I had to leave the bank to check if the change had in fact been effected. There is supposedly a public access terminal in the bank, but its speeds are so slow it`s a joke.

This all finally resolved, at the end of this past month, when I was trying to do an online payment for a holiday I had booked and had 24 hours to pay for, I discovered that my online banking access had been shut down.

Many phone calls revealed that this was because there were insufficient funds in my savings account, now my access account, to pay my monthly Internet banking fee, and I had thus been disconnected. The only people who could help me depart from the help-line at 4pm on a Friday afternoon anyway, but even if they had been in, the only way to reactivate an account is to visit my branch.

This has irritated me on a variety of different levels. No one informed me that changing the access account would change the account from which funds needed to be withdrawn for payment. The account was empty at the time of the changeover; surely that would have alerted anyone with the capacity for analytical thought? No one informed me that my account was about to be cut off.

Even Telkom, legendary for its bad service, manages to inform its clients when it`s about to disconnect them.

Then, the fact that Absa staff at the branches don`t really understand Internet banking irritates me, but what irritates me even more than that is the people at the help-line who do understand what`s going on are unable to give assistance over the phone.

It is mind-blowing to me that a service such as Internet banking, which is sold on the strength of the convenience it offers, has a help-desk that closes at 4pm on a Friday afternoon, and requires numerous visits to a physical branch to alter, correct or reactivate.

Poor show Absa. This said, with a fist shaken at the small gods who have once again conspired to undermine any definitive statement I have made about the positive state of things.