Love on the line

As Valentine's Day arrives, many will be turning their attention to the object, or lack of, their affection. Given online dating offers a way to find a match faster and more conveniently than traditional methods, some may be keen to try one of SA's numerous dating sites. To ensure the day brings more romance than regret, ITWeb Features sorts the dream date material from the digital dregs.

Since its beginnings, when it was regarded as a refuge for the desperate and dodgy, Web-based dating has gained popularity locally and abroad. Online dating system provider WhiteLabelDating.com reported a boom in the South African Web dating market last year, with over 345 different sites created for the local market.

From mass-based general sites, niche services targeted at specific groups have developed. In SA alone, there are specialised dating sites for over 50s, single parents, disabled singles, fitness bunnies, and various religious and race groups.

For every romantic tale of finding one's true match, there are a dozen horror stories of misleading photos, awkward face-to-face encounters and even the odd stalker. Just like the real dating scene, the virtual playground is a scary world, and it's good to venture in armed with some basic guidelines.

Laurence Seberini, MD of mobile dating service Lucky mobile, says it's best to keep a level head and take precautions. “Some people are impersonators and not who they say they are. So before you give away any contact information, try to meet the person in a public place with a friend.

“There are some bad people on dating sites, just as in real-life shopping malls and clubs. I would recommend users read up on safety information.”

He adds that the perception of these sites and the people who use them has undergone a major change. “I think it's because the way we interact is more and more online, and the stigma has fallen away. The more success stories you hear about, the less inhibited you are to try it.

“The truth is, real people like you and I use these sites and we are all just people. So why shouldn't it work? That, combined with easy accessibility and push notifications, has made the 'pocket' dating factor work really well.”

Mobile dating has evolved from basic messaging to Web-enabled flirting, says Seberini. “True mobile dating happened when dating was done on WAP sites, or the mobile Web. The model was a recurring subscription, no charge per chat and lots of pictures to look at, giving a more engaging experience.”

Another thing to check for given the growing incidence of info theft is whether the site will sell personal details to third parties. Some sites make users' names and e-mail addresses available to partner companies or affiliate groups. Other local sites offer similar services under the same name in other countries, which are accessible through a number of additional Web sites.

Make sure to read the privacy policy of dating sites thoroughly, to retain control of private details. Some companies employ dirty tricks to get a few extra hits.

Most sites charge a membership fee, although several free dating sites are available, and most offer free registration with browsing capabilities. One feature many sites lack is subscription pricing. The membership-based sites require membership before they divulge subscription fees, although some sites offer trial memberships.

With that said, here's a rundown of some of the local dating sites available.

* Description: An online dating community made up over 4 000 partners, with various dating types and geographical regions.
* Features: The site offers compatibility matching by means of a personality questionnaire. It also features targeted services like SoulMatch, SelectMatch, and StarsignMatch to link people up according to criteria like character, interest, and star signs.
* Cost: To register as a user is free; silver, gold and platinum memberships are also available.
* Hot: Allows you to IM, e-mail, and chat anonymously. Offers a trial membership to try the system for free, allowing you to search, browse and send messages. The EarlyBird service lets members describe the type of person they're looking for, after which they receive an e-mail of new members who match these preferences.
* Not: Difficult to find payment information. Members have to give 28 days' notice before their subscription period expires to cancel it.
* Verdict: Offers plenty of choice and lots of match-up features for those serious about going the online route.
* Link: South African Singles Online

* Description: Online dating and matchmaking site.
* Features: Over one million users, real-time chat, members' blogs, instant messaging.
* Cost: Premium membership costs under R2 per day. A free trial membership is available to test the service.
* Hot: Free trial membership and match-up features. Some pricing information is given upfront.
* Not: The service is accessible through a number of other Web sites and registering with Cupids Arrow and submitting data to the Web site means it will be available to users who access the service via different Web sites.
* Verdict: Useful for those who prefer to be matched up rather than roaming randomly.
* Link: Cupids Arrow

* Description: This site is an anonymous way to interact with people. Users choose a screen name and set up a profile, after which they can view others' profiles and vice versa. Users can send an e-mail via the site to their interest's username, but their real name and e-mail address is never shown. When ready, a user may choose to tell the other member their real contact details.
* Features: Allows searching via multiple search interfaces. Can search by province or city to narrow the range.
* Cost: Setting up a profile is free, and allows you to browse other profiles and receive anonymous e-mails through the site. Only paying subscribers can send messages.
* Hot: Large pool of singles to choose from. Offers matching functionality by letting users enter criteria for the type of person they want to meet, and then searches through profiles to find a match according to both their requirements and those of the potential match.
* Not: Member profiles from this site may also be visible on other network sites operated by the parent company. If a user's profile becomes one of the most popular on the site, it may be randomly selected to appear on the home page of the site as one of the 'featured profiles'. Very difficult to get hold of pricing information.
* Verdict: Good for matching functionality but finding info is a chore.
* Link: Matchmaker.co.za

* Description: A dating site with no membership fees.
* Features: Some 43 495 South African members, real-time chat, video chat, members' blogs, instant messaging. Gallery rating feature where users can rate how other members look.
* Cost: Free
* Hot: Allows users to browse a wide range of singles without having to pay a membership fee.
* Not: Many users seemed to have issues loading photos, and a few also had problems sending mails. Flirtbox also says in its 'terms and conditions' that it may copy and/or reproduce any information posted by users on the site in any form and manner it wishes. The search function also requires filling in criteria from scratch every time, instead of saving previous search terms.
* Verdict: Good for those looking for a wide range of singles without having to pay membership fees.
* Link: Flirtbox.co.za

* Description: Local dating site for meeting singles; part of an international group.
* Features: Full members can send winks, messages, and gifts to others; add a diary and read others' to see if they match up; get a real-time list of the latest members who have joined; and use special software to match them to a partner.
* Cost: Registering as a member, with browsing capabilities, is free, but communicating with other members and using certain other parts of the site requires subscription.
* Hot: Breaks searches down into provinces to narrow the range.
* Not: The price for subscriptions is found on the 'My account' link but this option only becomes available once registering. Its terms outline that posting content to any public area of the site means signing over rights for it to use, copy, display, disclose and distribute this information in operating and promoting the site and its services.
* Verdict: Easy search options but beware of how content is used by the site. Tricky to navigate and features are limited unless you're a full member.
* Link: Dating group.co.za

“Well, they were basically a bunch of losers. I tried online dating about five years ago. I had just come out of a bad relationship, and was looking for love in all the wrong places. I only tried one Web site, went on a few dates. I went on one date with this one guy who wouldn't leave me alone. He was completely boring with no proper job. If I remember correctly, he still lived at home. I had to tell him I wasn't ready for a relationship to get him to go away.

“I went out with another guy for about six months; he was very intellectual, we liked the same things. But then one day he disappeared for 12 hours without answering his phone or cell, and wasn't in the hospital or arrested. I know because I checked all those places. He said he was just 'feeling down'. So that was the end of that, as well as my online dating experience.

“My advice to those who are considering Web dating is to be very careful. If it looks too good to be true, it is. Always meet in a public place and always give all their contact details to a friend, as well as where you're going. What did the experience leave me with? Cynicism.”

* * *

Provided you use common sense, you should have some fun.

Laurence Seberini, MD, Lucky mobile

“I started dating online in 2000, tried quite a few sites and finally met someone in 2005. Initially it was long-distance; we had the same interests and slowly got to know each other through e-mails and phone calls. It's very hard to keep a long-distance relationship going because you have to keep in touch with e-mails, SMSes and calls and if you aren't committed the relationship falls by the wayside.

“We met in person about six months after meeting online. You're very scared when you go to meet them for the first time because even though you have a photo and everything, you wonder, 'Is this person really all they made out to be?' But he was and after that we flew over to visit each other and went away together for weekends. In 2008 he decided to sell his place and move up from PE to come stay nearby, and while we don't live together, we still see a lot of each other and are very happy.

“You have to be careful online, there are things to look out for like if the person constantly says they're broke or have no money on their credit card. But the experience showed me it can work online after failing so many times.”

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