Fifa and the 2010 Local Organising Committee have been sent into a flat panic upon receiving their first Telkom bills, and are now scrambling to find cheaper technology solutions for the World Cup.
"Quite frankly, we were floored," says a Fifia spokesman. "We were not aware of the ludicrously high cost of local bandwidth. Unfortunately, this means that it's back to the drawing board, and all our technology plans will have to be revised. Otherwise it is not inconceivable that Telkom could bankrupt Fifa."
While the World Cup was initially supposed to cost South African taxpayers about R100 billion, Fifa is afraid that Telkom's high-speed Internet charges could push the budget into the gazillions. "Normally, the man in the street would foot the bill, but following the country's latest fuel price hikes, the man in the street is kind of broke."
But he is confident that, despite the setback, everything is on track to stage a "truly African" World Cup.
Sources say the high broadband prices came to light after several LOC officials downloaded the entire third season of popular TV series "Lost". It appears now that this may have scuppered LOC CEO Danny Jordaan's plans to download several seasons of The A-Team, McGuyver and Airwolf - of which Jordaan is said to be a big fan.
"Yes, Dr Jordaan is bitterly disappointed, but he is a fighter. He is certainly not going to give up. He loves it when a plan comes together," said a source close to Jordaan.
However, Fifa official Jose Cuervo moved to allay fears that the SA could be in danger of losing the World Cup. "Fifa always has a 'Plan B', and we are currently trying to figure out what that is. But there is no need to panic."
Meanwhile, the LOC says it is simply going to "dumb down" its solutions for the event, and will revert back to traditional telephony, and two cans and a piece of string in some of the more remote locations.
Eskom to the rescue
He is confident that, despite the setback, everything is on track to stage a "truly African" World Cup.
Martin Czernowalow, news editor, ITWeb
"Yes, we would have loved to be able to provide HD feed, but this seems unlikely now, in light of Telkom's pricing and the limited amount of bandwidth available in SA," says an LOC spokesman.
"Currently, we are working on a plan to install a couple of tiekie boxes outside each stadium, which will allow foreign journalists to phone their news rooms with regular updates about what's happening on the field."
This plan reportedly already has the backing of several adult literacy societies and book clubs, which have applauded the initiative, saying this approach will force more people to read.
Fifa has also announced that it has managed to get power utility Eskom on board, which will prove to be an invaluable partner during the World Cup.
"To limit the uptake of local bandwidth during the World Cup, Eskom will be on standby to cut power in large parts of the country," says Eskom technician Eddie Britz.
"We are perfectly positioned to aid Fifa during the World Cup, and will make all our expertise available to them. At the flip of a switch, entire cities, such as Johannesburg and Cape Town, will be plunged into darkness. This will prevent SA citizens from surfing the Internet and wasting valuable bandwidth."
When pressed to reveal any other possible contingency plans, an unnamed Fifa official replied: "We could always just buy Telkom. It would be cheaper. We could fire top management, save a couple of billion rand and lower bandwidth prices."
* Disclaimer: This column is largely spoof, but contains various grains of truth throughout, proving once again that truth is stranger than fiction. We trust our readers can tell the difference.
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