The day is 3 March 2014 and the stage is set for one of the most eagerly anticipated court cases in SA's history to get under way. The North Gauteng High Court and its surroundings are haemorrhaging both local and international journalists, all with their thumbs poised to capture that first nail-biting tweet. And what happens? I'm afraid there were no dramatic Denny Crane-esque opening statements and the lovely Harvey Specter was not in attendance. Proceedings were delayed because of a missing court interpreter.
Vying to provide the Twittersphere - full of people desperately refreshing their newsfeeds for any information from the courtroom - the conversation soon turns to what people think Oscar Pistorius, or the "legless South African" as he has affectionately been dubbed by an international media organisation, will wear to his trial. Will it be a sombre black suit? Or perhaps a fitted, navy blue pin-stripe? Goodness, wouldn't it be exciting if he took a fashion risk and showed up in a pale blue, double-breasted ensemble, complete with a monocle, cane and a top hat? How very evil villain chic that would be.
And so it began before it began. The circus I mean.
A prime example is the blunder by well-known Cape Town patisserie, Charly's Bakery. No doubt looking to cash in on the Pistorius media frenzy, the bakery cooked up a batch of rather cheeky Oscar meme cookies. But realising their faux pas, the controversial cookie-makers quickly apologised for the distasteful publicity stunt.
Lights, camera ... dance monkey, dance
A much discussed topic in the run-up to the murder case was the news that court proceedings would be televised and that the folk over at Carte Blanche had been awarded the rights to an Oscar Pistorius trial channel on DStv. So you can spend the whole day watching what is happening inside the actual courtroom and then occupy another several hours of your life watching law and media experts unpack what this all means.
How great is it that we get the chance to relive the questions around the darkness of Oscar's room that night - was it kind of dark or dark dark? Was there an optically stifling blackish milieu or just an air of darkness? Or which side of a cricket bat is in fact the front and which is the back and whether the legless South African was actually prosthesis-less when he used the front/back of the cricket bat to bash down his bathroom door. A favourite of mine was the discussions that seemed to continue ad nauseam about whether Oscar screams like a girl. Riveting TV, I tell you.
But after the first week or so of court proceedings, the sentiment echoing around SA was that the cogs of the mighty judicial system turned a little slower than some of us had expected. Just ask the scores of awaiting-trail prisoners who are yet to see their day in the dock.
And in fact, many have started to lose interest. According to the SABC, on the first day of the trial, over 150 000 articles were published by international media outlets and by the first day of the second week that figure had dropped by about half. And so, what do we as a mediatised public do? Well, we find something else to talk about.
Enter Mr "I put it to you" himself, advocate Barry Roux, who has become somewhat of a global social media sensation, inspiring a myriad of memes and parody Twitter handle @MrBarryRoux. And one must make mention of Roxanne Adams, the smoking hot blonde in Oscar's defence team. Who I don't think has said a single word during the case thus far, but has attracted our attention because she is, you know, attractive. And intelligent too I am sure, but that is beside the point.
How great is it that we get the chance to relive the questions around the darkness of Oscar's room that night - was it kind of dark or dark dark?
Similarly, one is hard pressed to attend any social gathering - be it a dinner party or a Sunday afternoon fondue - without the Oscar case being brought up. "So do you think he is guilty?" someone in the circle around the pot of delicious melted cheese asks. Putting down our skewers, we all change into our lawyer gowns to give our thoughts on the Olympic athlete's intentions and his subsequent innocence or guilt. And to help us make our minds up about the events that went down in that well-to-do suburb in Pretoria over a year ago, there is always that one person who has their very own Oscar Pistorius story - or at least their friend's uncle's butcher's next door neighbour's story.
And we treat the whole thing like a soap opera, detaching ourselves from the fact that a young man, who we once respected and adored, has literally come crashing down from the pedestal we all had placed him on. Or that Reeva Steenkamp's family and friends are still coming to terms with their loss.
The topic is simply one that cannot be avoided. And these conversations, and the case itself, are set to persist for weeks to come. Whether you like it or not, #OscarPistorius will continue to clutter your social media feeds and dominate news bulletins. Forget the happenings in the Ukraine or the rampant gang violence in the Western Cape. Who cares about an entire airplane going missing or about the latest revelations regarding what actually happened on that hill in Marikana. One famous athlete killed his model girlfriend, now that, that is something we should all give a damn about.
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